Is intimacy allowed during I'tikaf?

Detailed answer

Intimate relations between spouses are not allowed during I'tikaf, whether in the day or at night. Scholars agree on this, and it comes directly from the Quran. If a couple has intercourse while one of them is in I'tikaf, that I'tikaf is broken. Kissing or touching with desire should also be avoided, because it goes against the purpose of this retreat.

What the Quran and Sunnah say

In the same verse that allows intimacy on the nights of Ramadan, Allah adds an exception: "Do not have relations with them while you are in i'tikaf in the mosques. These are the limits set by Allah" (Al-Baqarah 2:187). So the general permission explained in intimacy at night in Ramadan does not apply to the person in I'tikaf.

At the same time, I'tikaf does not cut a person off from normal kindness. Aisha combed the Prophet's hair while he was in I'tikaf, and his wife Safiyyah visited him in the mosque and he walked her back (both reported in Bukhari and Muslim). A spouse may visit, talk and help, as long as there is no desire.

In practice

• The person in I'tikaf stays in the mosque and leaves only for real needs, such as using the toilet, ghusl, or food if no one can bring it. Going home to spend the night with one's spouse is not one of these needs.
• A wet dream does not break I'tikaf. The person simply performs ghusl.
• If a couple finds ten nights apart too long, the spouse can make a shorter I'tikaf, such as a few nights, and spend the other nights at home. See I'tikaf for a few hours.

What if it already happened?

If intercourse happens during I'tikaf, the I'tikaf ends and the person should sincerely repent. If the I'tikaf was a vow (nadhr), it should be made up later. If it happened during a fasting day of Ramadan, the rules of the fast also apply, including kaffarah, as explained in intercourse while fasting. If it happened at night, the fast is not affected, only the I'tikaf. For any detailed personal case, ask a qualified local scholar.

I'tikaf is a short season of devotion. A spouse who supports the other in it, by looking after the home and family for those nights, is helping in good, and that help is itself rewarded.